Games with cringe-worthy dialogues – The weakest link.
We have already encountered a lot of abominable game shortcomings in the weakest link in recent months. Today Laura Jenny dives into the nasty world of daytime eyes that are so bad you would love to scream through them. Or skipping of course, but that is not always possible.
There is of course some difference in when dialogue is really bad. The world famous ‘All Your Base Are Belong To Us’ from Zero Wing is simply a wrong translation. Sometimes a character tries to explain a little too much that is too obvious. I understand that I have to press the action button to go up the ladder the moment I am standing next to that ladder. And sometimes weird dialogues just fit a game, like in Bad Dudes vs DragonNinja, where it says: “The president has been kidnapped by ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the president? ” In this Weakest Link, we mainly laugh at games in which the dialogue is really out of place:
Let me start by saying that I love Animal Crossing. They’re full of cute animals, they have a very bizarre way of talking and the topics of conversation they come up with are very creative. Sometimes, however, it seems that people have not really thought about who to say what. So you enter a bar where a pigeon is behind the bar. This Brewster then asks you in a familiar crumpled Animal Crossian voice “Would you care for splash of pigeon milk?” Uh .. Fresh? If it had been a cow offering a glass of milk, fine, but this is really a strange bird. Especially when you see in the over-dramatized video below what he does to serve that milk …
I always really enjoy bad one-liners. In the cinema I usually look around questioningly if other people realize how horribly bad they often are. One of my favorites from the gaming world, that has to be the threat to our huge group of superhero mutants: the X-Men. In the X-Men arcade game that appeared in the early 90s, you took on Magneto with up to six players. At some point in the jungle, Magneto has found the strength to throw you off an abyss, but not before he makes the disgustingly bad statement, “X-Men… Welcome…. to die! ” Welcome to die: not even that epic burst of laughter before it can make up for that.
Far Cry 3
Now Far Cry 3 doesn’t take life too seriously, but what came out of the mouth of our hero Jason in that game is really bad. “His name is Buck and he likes to f * ck”. Now that is still manageable once it comes along, but if you are a bit of a rude gamer like me, you will pass the checkpoint a few times where that sad sentence is spoken again. And all with a nice deep South accent. The fact that it is quiet for a while only makes that statement even more awkward.
Michigan: Report from Hell
Okay, this is one that has crawled out of the internet: Michigan: Report from Hell. Now, I always wanted to be a reporter in Japan, so maybe that’s even funnier for me. The worst talk from this game is actually a bit laughable. Please don’t kill me … but I suppose you have to … Okay, that was easy. Unfortunately I didn’t find an example of that particular sentence, but in the video below there are many more bad conversations to really enjoy.
There is a piece of information in Destiny that stands out so much in the way it is pronounced and what is said for something useless, that I definitely wanted to end this article with this. “That wizard came from the moon” is said by Peter Dinklage, who can pronounce the ‘oe’ very nicely anyway. It sounds like he is entrusting you with something secret, but nobody knows what to do with it. Ultimately, this fantastically beautiful quote disappeared when Peter Dinklage was recorded by Nolan North.
Great games that just missed this list are Resident Evil and his “Jill Sandwich”, or his “the master of unlocking”, and the hugely laugh-out-loud “I DON’T BELIEVE IN MAAAAGICCCC, onward!” from Dynasty Warriors 3. Which dialogues from a game can annoy you terribly because of the poor quality or make you laugh enormously because of its inappropriateness?
In this serial I reviewed games with annoying sidekicks last month. Next month it’s the turn of games with bad endings.