Insanely Difficult Games – The NES Edition: Ghosts’s Goblins, Super Contra and Punch-Out !!!.
According to Graddus, modern gamers are . Dark Souls tricky? Ha! Just try a game for the NES, SNES and Commodore 64, that’s difficult !!! ‘. Well, let’s see what you cook with it …
As a child of the 80s I like a challenge. Because not only life used to be a struggle (how the hell did you meet without a mobile phone?), Games were also at least 437 times more difficult. Where did people get their time ?!
Do I still have the skills and patience to play that ? Or do I throw the controller through the TV after just one level? I’m testing it on the NES today.
Ghosts’ n Goblins
Good. Let me jump straight into the deep end, with a game that many consider to be THE hardest ever: Ghosts’ n Goblins. And it all looks so cute! That funny knight Arthur who, when hit by a zombie, continues to fight in his underpants. Haha.
But the laughter soon fades. Ghosts’ n Goblins is insanely difficult indeed. Or rather: hair-pulling-frustrating-idiot ABSURDLY difficult! Seriously, I’ve never played a game where I can’t even get past the first level, but Ghosts’ n Goblins can do it. First of all, you can only be hit twice and that while zombies, flying enemies and projectiles are coming at you from all sides. As if that wasn’t enough, each level has a fairly tight time pressure! RAAAAAHHH !!!!!
You understand that a few things quickly became too much even for this seasoned game journalist. The Mini NES almost flew through the window at a rapid pace. Bíȷ́na, because I have to play four more games after this. Sigh …
Rage’o meter: Level of Bokito out of control
Ha, a racing game. One of my favorite genres and also something that I am fairly skilled in, so that should be fine, right? … However?
In any case, the beginning is very promising. By keeping the center of the track, I can quickly swerve in both directions for obstacles, and with an oblique eye on the temperature of my bike, I boost. With a tight 1:05:88 I even break the record for the first track!
The following courses are increasingly difficult, but by keeping a cool head I always manage to finish. Sure, it doesn’t just happen; Excitebike is a hundred times more demanding than a game of Forza. But while it’s sometimes not entirely clear to me exactly why I’m going on my record (I make pixel-perfect landings!), It’s clear I’m an Excitebike natural. Bring on those next games.
Rage’o meter: Sunday bike ride through the dunes
Castlevania deserves respect. Not only because this vampire lasher has been running for over thirty years now, but mainly because the games are notoriously difficult. The first part in particular is notorious and hey: let me just play it here!
Fortunately, I’m used to something after Ghosts’ n Goblins. Castlevania seems to be not too bad. For example, the concentration of enemies is lower, although the fact that Simon Belmont has the turning circle of a truck compared to Knight Arthur does not really help. However, the iconic Castlevania music is way better than the obscure bleeping in Ghosts’ n Goblins and as crazy as it sounds, it makes a world of difference to my frustration level. No matter how often I go out (and that’s often), I like to try again.
After a lot of fives and sixes I even reach the end of the first level – I couldn’t have done that with Ghosts’ n Goblins! It’s that I have to continue with this feature, otherwise I’m sure I would have given Dracula a spin too.
Rage’o meter: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!
Fighting games have never pleased me. A bit of button bashing is fun, especially if you lure a better opponent out of his tent and even beat it, but if the other person does know combos, my frustration meter goes on tilt. Then I will swear and scream and … Naja, you get the picture.
Punch-Out !!! I play against the AI. However, that excruciatingly difficult ’80s AI, which has a kind of pre-built antenna and feels exactly where your punches will land. However, things are going surprisingly well! Yes yes, it’s just against Glass Joe, the French with a track record of 99 losses to one win, but still. I’m smashing that !
My second match is against Von Kaiser, a German grandpa with a mustache. And man, what am I being GONE? No matter how hard I hit the buttons, I don’t get a single blow through it. Two excruciating minutes later the muff knocks me out … G * dv * rd * t * f * sd * mm *! K @ T $ P3L !!! I remember exactly why I hate fighting games !!!
Rage’o meter: As if I was just beaten up by a German grandpa!
After Punch-Out !!! I’m actually ready for a week of vacation on a tropical island (do you finally know how I feel after checking your texts, baklap – Ed). However, I have yet to play such an excruciatingly difficult NES game, Super Contra: a run-and-gun sidescroller from the sadists at Konami who came up with the most famous cheat code ever for a reason because otherwise nobody would be able to finish their games.
By the way, am I run-and-gun sidescroller? Feel free to make it BULLETHELL! Seriously, anyone who says Ghosts’ n Goblins is the hardest game ever has never played Super Contra.
But after half a liter of coffee and a short Zen meditation I manage to stay alive for a minute. Two minutes, in fact. Four! In the end I achieve the impossible: I finish the game … Until I discover that it was only the first level and the NES still flies out of the window.
Rage’o meter: Weary
The Insanely Difficult Games Serial
30/5: Insanely difficult games – the Commodore 64 edition
27/6: Insanely difficult games – the SNES edition