Insanely difficult games – the SNES edition: Mega Man X, F-Zero and Super Star Wars.
According to Graddus, modern gamers are wimps. Dark Souls tricky? Ha! Just try a game for the NES, SNES or Commodore 64, that’s difficult !!! ‘. Well, let’s see what you cook with it …
As a child of the 80s I like a challenge. Because not only life used to be a struggle (how the hell did you meet without a mobile phone?), Games were also at least 437 times more difficult.
Do I still have the skills and patience to play that ? Or do I throw the controller through the TV after just one level? I’m testing it on the SNES today.
Mega Man X
The Mega Man games have a decent reputation. While X is certainly not the hardest part of the series (that credit probably goes to the original), this is still a nail-biting, hair-stretching, breeding-frustrating piece of software. That whole Mega Man never pleased me. I think it’s boring games, with 0 exploration and an overemphasis on trial-and-error.
This is even more evident when I start the game. With the greatest possible effort I fight my way through stage 1, where I constantly think how much more fun, for example, Donkey Kong Country is. When I die for the hundredth time in the next level (those mechanical wasps, argh!) I pull the cart out of my SNES in frustration. The game is neatly returned to its box and will not be released for the time being; Mega Man gets a Mega ban from me!
- Rage-‘o-meter: On a campsite with a mechanical wasp infestation
Oh Nintendo, when will we get another F-Zero? At least not for the time being and so we have to make do with old parts. With the original for the SNES you are always sweet; even on Beginner this is a lot harder than all those with rewind features and endless continues-soaked racers of today. Let alone when trying the King Cup on Expert!
To keep it somewhat civilized (you don’t have much of a swearing cannonade of 1000 words either) I choose the golden mean for now. Queen Cup, standard difficulty. And boy, even that’s almost impossible … You seriously need Lewis Hamilton-esque reflexes to keep that constantly sliding back and forth racing monster out of the barrier. In addition, it looks like you have a huge magnet on board – enemy cars want nothing more than to park their bumper in your hood!
After much fumbling I manage to win the cup. Since I have three more games to do and I’m already close to a nervous breakdown, I will ignore the rest of the races.
- Rage-‘o-meter: Car breakdown somewhere in the middle of nowhere
Contra III: The Alien Wars
Yes guys, I have to believe it again. After Super Contra for the NES, it’s now time for Contra III: The Alien Wars, aka the game that Satan would make if he were a game developer. But really, when waterboarding and sleep deprivation aren’t working, Guantanamo Bay personnel are willing to use Contra III to force inmates to confess.
It’s all so chaotic breeding. Ten thousand things are happening on the screen at once and just when you think, now I can gasp for a moment, an enemy shoots you from the back in the back.
Miraculously, I survive the first stage after an intense boss fight. Yep, you read that right: Contra III has a FINAL BOSS in level 1. I have to say that it also feels like I’ve finished the game so I quickly click out of the SNES.
- Rage-‘o-meter: As if a colleague in the canteen just took the last croquette in front of you
Super Star Wars
* insert Star Wars melody * Ta-ta-ta-taaa-taaa, tadeletaataaaa … Okay, okay, I think I am a better gamer than a singer. Although: features like this make me doubt my gaming skills.
Take Super Star Wars: a really cool title based on a popular franchise, so you expect it to be fairly accessible. But nothing is less true. Super Star Wars is a hellish journey through the depths of hardcore SNES gameplay. An ordeal in self-discipline.
Somehow I manage to fight my way over Tatooine. The Sandcrawler, Luke’s Landspeeder: I feel more and more like a boss that I just, hopsa, take all those obstacles. However, in level 5, the Mos Eisley canteen, things go wrong. There are simply too many enemies. In the back of my mind I hear the voice of Darth Vader: ‘Impressive … But you’re not a Jedi yet!’.
- Rage-‘o-meter: Forced to watch the prequel trilogy
Hagane is freaking tricky in several ways. 1) It’s a crazy unforgiving platformer. 2) It’s nearly impossible to get a copy of the game; a separate cassette quickly costs 150 euros!
Anyway, I have one at home (gloat gloat) so I can * cough * get started. You play a Ninja Cyborg. That’s good anyway, and besides that, you have a shitload of moves and weapons to make your way through the game. You need that too, because just like in Contra III, the enemies come from ALL sides. Not only that, the platform sections are also ghoulish.
I have to say it is quite fun. Sure, there are cheap deaths in it and sure enough, I die every minute, but it still has something, that Hagane. Whether it is really worth 150 euros? Well, at least it’s cheaper than an aggression management course …
- Rage-‘o-meter: Save for a copy of Hagane while only getting one dollar of pocket money every week
– Wednesday May 2 – Insanely difficult games – the NES edition
– Wednesday May 30 – Insanely difficult games – the Commodore 64 edition