UNNOCENTED: Gabe Newell Announces Steam Shutdown Effective January 1.
In mid-April we sent our best interviewer to the offices of Valve to try to get an interview with himself Gabe Newell. Instead, he’s been living the good life for months among luxury cars, cruise ships, and good-looking companions. It was precisely on one of those cruises that he coincided with the Gabe Newell who has granted an exclusive interview for the most SamaGamees.
SamaGame Reporter: To the point Gaben, when is Half – Life 3 coming out?
– Look, leave me alone, others are scratching them with games like Shenmue or The Last Guardan and you don’t give them the stick so much. The only thing it can tell you is that we won’t put a lot of water in it for fear of having poor test scores.
But do you realize that this is one of the most anticipated games in the entire industry?
– I do not give a damn. As you do not ask me about other things, I promise you an annual delivery at 15 fps, with micropayments and screaming bugs.
You’ve convinced me. What can you tell me about other third parties like Portal or Left 4 Dead?
– I do not understand why people insist so much, those games were designed to have only two games
But Gaben, we have the right to know what’s up with …
– 15 fps …
Okay I shut up. How are the Christmas sales going on Steam?
– Well, look, I’m glad you asked me that question. We have decided to definitively close the service as of January 1.
WTF Why?
– Because of some smart ones who do tutorials we have gotten the hang of it. People have learned and the games are expected to be discounted by at least 80%. Then there are the damn stickers and the gems. I know people who started out delivering pizzas and now rank in the top 100 richest men after trading Steam trading cards.
Does that mean that you are going to leave the ground free to the next generation consoles?
– They also have me fried. So much so that I have ordered some colleagues to carry out attacks this Christmas so that no one can play online. It is my particular revenge. I’m going to confess a secret to you. My most anticipated game is Captain Toad Treasure Tracker.
You leave me plastic Gaben. Do you have anything to say about the downgrades we’ve seen this year?
– I have to be honest. In 2011 we discovered a very cool technology that allowed us to create graphics never seen before on planet earth. Something like master race ground relays. Just when we were compressing the 4034903904 million GB to upload it to YouTube, the indies trend exploded. At Valve we were freaking out about how games like Limbo, Braid, Binding of Isaac or Bastion were so successful. Our marketing department decided there were some decisions to be made. I can tell you that Half Life 3 will look great 8-bit.
At SamaGame we are voting to choose the best game of 2014
– I’ve already seen it and games are missing. It is inexcusable that Rock Simulator or Grass Simulator is not on the list. I’ve spent over 300 hours trying to get all the trophies. I’m one of those completist you know?
I don’t want to bother you anymore. Any last word for all SamaGameeros?
– That they leave the arithmetic to confirm the exit of games and that they enjoy this December 28th. Be good!
